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By Dejanor "St. Eva's God and his children will pass time and place; the voices of our prayers will break through darkness. We will gather all of our thoughts into one; our hopes will soothe our hearts. Abandon selfishness and just pray; become a part of the limitless love God. Continue to believe in our God. Abandon hatred. Between the breaking darkness we can see our God." With the prayer finished, Ray finally opened his blue eyes and blew out the large candle sitting underneath the stony embodiment of St. Eva -- a large hand reaching out from the folds of a robe and grasping at the sun. Bringing himself to his feet, the young emissary brushed his clothes and proceeded to walk around the tiny room, blowing out the two remaining candles. Such was Ray's usual ritual whenever he returned to the Great Church of Evrai. He would light two candles for his parents, a candle for his God, and then pray in solitude. Pushing the strands of blonde hair out of his eyes, the emissary allowed the darkness to set in, molding himself according to its presence. Once upon a time he used to fear the darkness and the feelings it filled him with; he used to struggle against them, denying them. But that was the past, and the young emissary had long since given up. 'No,' he told himself. 'Not given up. I just embraced it.' Looking around the darkened room, Ray reveled in the warm and smothering sensation the engulfing void gave him, and allowed his mind to wander. He had long since discovered that with reality hidden under such a thick blanket, there is nowhere for a person to turn but to his own thoughts; or in Ray's case, memories. He recalled the years he had spent under the care of the St. Eva church. Memories of the time he was titled an Emissary... bittersweet memories of how happy and excited he had been, and how naive. He recalled the first time Father Habaruku sent him out to tour the world. It was his first job as a St. Eva's emissary, and it shocked him to discover that not everything resembled the town of Evrai, and that some people disliked St. Eva. But the initial shock was soon replaced with anger. For how could the people not see that St. Eva was right? How could they be blind to the fact that his God was right? In the town of Evrai everyone was happy and everything was perfect, but the rest of the world was a harsh place, and the young emissary silently accused the non-believers for being so foolish and bringing such a fate upon themselves. Childish thoughts, Ray would later admit to himself. The teachings of St. Eva were anything but self centered in the same manner that he had been, and around that point Ray started seeing the world differently. But inside the darkened room, the emissary did not linger upon these memories anymore than he lingered upon others, and his train of thought raced on. He thought about all the people he had helped; about those who accepted St. Eva and those who turned away. And inevitably, his thoughts started concentrating on his parents. Would they have accepted St. Eva? Would they have been proud of him and what he has become? Would they have been happy? "Your parents are with St. Eva now, boy," a raspy voice came from the doorway, successfully interrupting Ray's reverie. "They watch you through the eyes of our God and smile. Do not doubt that." "Father Habaruku," Ray mumbled in greeting, keeping an indifferent face even though he felt no small amount of embarrassed at being caught during such a weak moment. "I did not mean to doubt. I just..." Ray trailed off, trying to give voice to his thoughts, and Habaruku waited patiently. But as the silence continued to stretch and the emissary had yet to resume speaking, the Priest marched into the room. "Do not fall prey to the darkness, boy," Habaruku reprimanded as a ball of light appeared in his open palm and was used to return life to the three candles. Ray winced slightly as the darkness was chased away and his eyes readjusted. "St. Eva gave us the sun, stars and moon for a reason. Between the breaking darkness we can see our God." "Between the breaking darkness we can see our God," Ray repeated the last line of the prayer. "Look down upon your shadow, boy," the old man ordered, pointing at Ray's feet, and the emissary lowered his head. Shadows danced wildly across the stone floor, the flames jerking and bathing everything in an orange glow. "This darkness is constantly following you, stalking you unnoticed. But remember this: the darkness is always beneath you." "Yes, Father." Ray knew that speech by heart. A man's shadow is always beneath him and should never be given the chance to rise above. It is thanks to St. Eva's Light that the shadow is kept contained, but when there is no Light, the shadow becomes one with the surrounding darkness. It was one of the first things taught by the St. Eva church, and the emissary had no wish to have Habaruku lecture him like a small child. "That's a good boy," Habaruku said with an approving tone before turning around. "The new believers have arrived last night. The ceremony will begin shortly; I advice you to attend it. You could very well be the person to speak in the next one." "Thank you, Father," Ray replied, head still bowed. In truth, he did not know what else to say. Once upon a time, hearing such words from Habaruku would have filled the young emissary with barely contained excitement. A childish behavior, Ray finally admitted to himself one day, for he had since started seeing the world differently. As Habaruku begun walking away, all the young man did was listen to the footsteps, not daring to speak. But that moment of submission soon passed as Ray was filled with renewed confidence. "Father Habaruku," he called, looking up. "Have you ever heard of the Dragon God?" Habaruku halted a few paces away from the doorway. This time it was his turn to pause and allow the silence to stretch as Ray's question lingering in the air. "There is no Dragon God," the old man finally replied. "There is only a False Dragon God." "But I don't--" "Darkness fills the hearts of many," Habaruku interrupted Ray. "It shadows their eyes from the truth and causes them to follow false deities. It is our job to make them see St. Eva's light." Considering the subject closed, the old man resumed walking, but Ray thought otherwise. "I was told that people believed in the Dragon God long before St. Eva appeared." These words caused Habaruku to halt once more, but this time, he did not hesitate in giving a reply. "Do you allow the blind ones to lead you, boy?" A sharp question, and the old man swiftly turned around and gave Ray an intense glare. Yet the young emissary did not flinch, even as Kind Teacher Habaruku was replaced with High Priest Habaruku, his voice booming with passion. "Evans is the beginning and the end of everything. Nothing came before our God and nothing will come after it. There is no one in this world who knows the truth, save for St. Eva, and the more lies people tell, the harder their hearts yearn to find the light. You've been put under the grace of our God, boy. You already found this light. Do not take it for granted by allowing the darkness to return." Ray said nothing. "This darkness is not as loving and forgiving as St. Eva, boy. It lurks everywhere, waiting to strike. Even here in Evrai, the heart of St. Eva, people are not safe. Were you aware that just a few buildings away from the Great Church lived a spy? She's a poor little creature, drowning in darkness and hatred, thus drawn to the strongest light of St. Eva. But even so, it's already too late for her. She is beyond our help, and only Evans himself can guide her down the right path. The only thing we can do is show her the mercy of our God, and pray that St. Eva's Light will also draw to us those who corrupted her." "Was it the Dragon God?" The sudden question caused Habaruku to blink, his body slowly relaxing as his speech found itself at an abrupt end. "What?" "The Dragon God," Ray repeated. "Was it the one to corrupt her?" "Ray," Habaruku seemed to sigh, and the emissary almost winced. The old man almost never called him by his given name. "Tell me. What is this fixation of yours regarding the False Dragon God?" "I spoke with it, Father," Ray admitted almost impulsively. "I spoke to the Dragon God." Habaruku's mouth stretched into a thin smile. "I see. And what did this 'Dragon God' tell you?" "It didn't tell me anything," the emissary admitted. "It just listened." "It just listened," Habaruku echoed Ray's answer, his tone having turned condescending. "You can speak to a rock, Ray. And for all intents and purpose it would appear as if the rock is indeed listening to you. But that does not make it into a god." "No. No, it does not," Ray agreed calmly, but deep down he was raging. He hated it when Habaruku treated him like a child. A shred of irony, considering St. Eva preaches for the abandonment of hatred. "Now," Habaruku nodded his head in approval. "Answer my question. What is the reason behind your fixation? Could it be because of your sin?" The old man's tone only grew more irritating in Ray's ears, and he said nothing in reply. "Lies are sweet poison, Ray. Do not accept them. You are too special." Habaruku already told Ray many times that he was special. It was both praise and an insult combined. Not long after he was titled emissary, Ray discovered he had the ability to change into a dragon. At first, this discovery made him ecstatic. The dragon made him feel so strong, so fresh and alive. It was as natural as having a nose to breathe and smell with. But when Habaruku found out, he didn't share Ray's happiness. He simply gave Ray that same intense stare reserved for High Priest Habaruku, and told the young emissary that underneath his human skin lurked a horrible beast. That underneath his skin lurked a sin. That was the reason why St. Eva accepted Ray with such a warm embrace and approved him of being such an important part of the church. Sins, Habaruku said, are to be used against sinners. That is why Ray had become Evan's voice. His sin was meant as proof for the people that even sinners and non-believers would be accepted by St. Eva. And if people still turned away, his sin was then meant to show people of God's mercy... It was a tool at best; a vast and shameful stain at worst. "You're right, Father," Ray nodded slowly. "I will not allow myself to be fed lies." "I knew you would not fail St. Eva," Habaruku said in satisfaction, but even as the words left his mouth, the thin smile vanished. "However, you're young still, and susceptible to doubt. You've still much to learn, boy. Perhaps it is best that you do not attend the ceremony after all. I shall call for you when your services are once more required." "Yes, Father Habaruku," Ray quietly answered as the old man turned around one final time and left the room. "May the light of St. Eva shine upon you." Moments passed, and only when the young emissary was finally sure that Habaruku would not return did he allow himself to release his breath. "Between the breaking darkness I can see my God," he whispered the last part of the prayer and blew out the candles. |
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